“To find a man’s true character, play golf with him.” – P.G. Wodehouse. Especially in Minnesota December, I may add. Growing up in Egypt, I had never had a chance to play this elusive game of golf or even come close to being on a golf course. Golf is still an individualistic and disciplined game for someone who played and loved the soccer game’s proximity and improvisation game. Golf strives in a culture of abundance where each player brings his/her balls, bag, shoe, umbrella, raincoat, hats, cart, clubs, and caddy. Soccer thrives in a culture of scarce; all you need is to show up at the park, no grass, equipment needed, only one ball shared by all, one for all, and all for one. Golf is the establishment’s game, needs a conservative mindset and linear thinking. Soccer is a rebellious sport that requires maneuvering and a nonlinear mindset. Golf played mostly by men releasing their aggression on the course -as one golfer joked- GOLF, stands for Guys Only Ladies Forbidden, Ha ha ha don’t drop your beer. Golfing first to introduce me to American’s exceptionalism, abundance, , remoteness landscape, and excessiveness. I have met many strangers on the golf course, made unlikely friends, and heard lots of stories. As an Arab-American, On the golf course, I’m not a hyphenated American usually integrated with questions about the Middle East, terrorism, ISIS, or bad people with strange names. I started playing golf the same way I used to play Soccer. I drive to a golf course nearby and play with anyone available. I come and tag along with groups of friends and families who need a foursome to fill in and keep the golfing line up going. I became the companion for those who need a companion and a friend of those who needed a friend. The golf courses’ greens are the waterhole for golfers; after spending some time scattering over the fairways working hard, releasing their aggression hitting the balls. Golfers finally congregate at the green to calm down, admiring each other putts, sharing jokes and golf stories. I played with that disgruntled family member or spouse who was looking for someone to vent to. On the golf course, people open up for me; I’m the neutral guy, the golf course’s bartender, you tell him your dark secrets, knowing that you may never see him again. Golfers transcend race, color, and ethnicity; the only thing we see on the course is the color of the green. I need no cultural sensitivity or diversity training. I’m just another golfer – a bad golfer it may be, but not a bad Arab. I played with all kinds of people. I played with openly gay, and openly antisemitic golfers. I played with a Greek golfer, a Candrian professional Hockey player, an ex-preset who believed Christianity is behind all evils. I met them all, young and old, men and women, , liberals and conservatives; with the Trump supporters who invited for a drink after a round of golf full of asking about Islam, Hijab on Somali women.
_What is this rage on their heads.?
_ we call it hijab!
_ I call it a rag… laughing!
In sports as in life as you grow older, the game gets slower and the ball gets smaller (pun intended). For me, I moved from playing football (soccer), to tennis and now to the game of golf.
For someone who played football (soccer), a game of proximity and improvisation, the individualistic and much disciplined game golf requires quite an adjustment.
In soccer you can literally use your head, but shouldn’t think so much in handling the ball. It’s better to rely on your instincts. In golf you can only use your head to hit this small ball straight on the fairway, every time. Trying to make that little ball go where you want, is one of the most deceptively simple tasks you will ever encounter.
One of the golf courses in town is surrounded by big houses. My crooked tee shot went straight to the high voltage tower and made a very loud noise! I told my American friend (a former public prosecutors), “I hope you don’t think that shot was a terrorist attack.” He gave me another ball to hit.
Golfing is a mental relaxation exercise, where your cognitive process is taken over by your instincts to stay the course. This is a quite a treat for an Arab-American who had been consumed by the never-ending political wrangling of biblical proportion, years of jihad over the fate of the holy land. In golf the only holy land that I care about is the golf course. This is the only jihad I have and I’m the only one who can do anything about it. Golf anyone?
